checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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