I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize