im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
