i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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