the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
