Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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