I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
