dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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