I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
