I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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