hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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