Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
