I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
