dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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