Little spoons don't ask big questions
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dicks are not precious.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
