so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
