We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
