apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
