Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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