What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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