Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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