I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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