I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
