apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
