it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
