Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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