i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
