Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
