But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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