a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
