when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
