70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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