Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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