Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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