After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
