it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
