Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
