i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Two words: blizzard sex
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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