my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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