You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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