Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
