i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
