You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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