called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
