Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize