I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
