I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
