his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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