So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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