Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
