Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
