Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
