go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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