i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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