Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
