I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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