My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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