I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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