Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
