He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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