Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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