she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
