R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
