i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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