Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
