So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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