Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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