forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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