Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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