Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
