I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
