I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do herpes really smell.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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