i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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