i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize