You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
These tits shall not be calmed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
