I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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