Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
