Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
