apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
