hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
