She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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