I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
