I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just want nice things and good sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
