So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
