My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize