I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
