Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
