you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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