i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All the doctor said was why
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
