imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
