I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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