OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
