woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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