Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ketchup is God's man juice
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
