JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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