I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
