She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize