this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
